Monologue

Today again I woke up shrieking in a dry, sultry morning. Everything around me seemed dead...lifeless. the room was filled with darkness. The darkness i like. The darkness I despise. The darkness i fear. Could it be more flummoxing ? Everytime i have this dream...no...not a dream...a nightmare veiled like a dream. It haunts me even in my waking hours. This darkness of my soul has sustained itself. My demons whom I had locked in little caskets in my mind castle, have unlocked themselves. They are now rambunctiously roaming all over  my head. They are screeching in rejoice. My moralities and conscience have fallen a prey to them. Now I fear myself. I fear one day I'd rebel against the light just like Lucifer. My soul would be damned in hell. My heart would be banished. I fear if this happens one day, what'd I leave for you? There are lot of things that can kill one's soul. But what have I done wrong? Unknowingly this has been taking a toll on me. My dreams have been shattering in pieces. My life is a living hell now. Once you said you fear of getting left behind. But love, i fear my insanity would hurt you the most. I fear one day that gaze in your eyes would change into hatred. And i would get left behind. I fear i can't afford that. I can't afford to see you slipping out of my sight. So leaving you first is the best option. Don't you cry. Don't be hurt. For what I do I only do it for you. One day I will meet you again. My roads will merge with yours. And I will again find my redemption in you. Until then....